Mitt and Newt: On to Florida!
By Bob Hicks
Seeing it as our duty to help sort out this most perplexing of civic seasons, we here at Art Scatter World Headquarters have hired our first political correspondent. He’s a veteran newspaperman named Eugene Field, and we’re proud to add him to our mix.
Here is Mr. Field’s first dispatch, filed from the late 19th century on the morning after Newt Gingrich’s tooth-ripping victory over Mitt Romney in Saturday’s South Carolina GOP primary election. Well done, Mr. Field! We look forward to your continuing reports:
THE DUEL
| THE GINGHAM dog and the calico cat | |
| Side by side on the table sat; | |
| ‘T was half-past twelve, and (what do you think!) | |
| Nor one nor t’ other had slept a wink! | |
| The old Dutch clock and the Chinese plate | 5 |
| Appeared to know as sure as fate | |
| There was going to be a terrible spat. | |
| (I was n’t there; I simply state | |
| What was told to me by the Chinese plate!) | |
| The gingham dog went “bow-wow-wow!” | 10 |
| And the calico cat replied “mee-ow!” | |
| The air was littered, an hour or so, | |
| With bits of gingham and calico, | |
| While the old Dutch clock in the chimney-place | |
| Up with its hands before its face, | 15 |
| For it always dreaded a family row! | |
| (Never mind: I ‘m only telling you | |
| What the old Dutch clock declares is true!) | |
| The Chinese plate looked very blue, | |
| And wailed, “Oh, dear! what shall we do!” | 20 |
| But the gingham dog and the calico cat | |
| Wallowed this way and tumbled that, | |
| Employing every tooth and claw | |
| In the awfullest way you ever saw— | |
| And, oh! how the gingham and calico flew! | 25 |
| (Don’t fancy I exaggerate— | |
| I got my news from the Chinese plate!) | |
| Next morning where the two had sat | |
| They found no trace of dog or cat; | |
| And some folks think unto this day | 30 |
| That burglars stole that pair away! | |
| But the truth about the cat and pup | |
| Is this: they ate each other up! | |
| Now what do you really think of that! | |
| (The old Dutch clock it told me so, | 35 |
| And that is how I came to know.) |
January 22nd, 2012 at 1:32 pm
This is wishful thinking, Bob
Politics is like a mob
That never rests or goes away
No matter what we think or say
January 22nd, 2012 at 3:33 pm
Well played, Charles!
Still, we have a duty to observe and comment. Now that Field has joined the Scatter stable, we’re thinking of also adding the Scottish poet William Miller. You may remember him as the investigative reporter who broke the news of the notorious Wee Willie Winkie Affair – “upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,” indeed! Miller may be just the lad to get to the bottom, as it were, of Newt’s knotty affairs.
January 23rd, 2012 at 8:05 pm
Well played all three of you, Hicks, Deemer and Field
What about some nice buttons that say Mewt Newt, that could actually be activated to do just that, c.f. the button on the tv remote.