While We Are Filling the Ice Bucket, The Large Smelly Boys Take Over the World (Act 1)
Here at Art Scatter World Headquarters we’re madly preparing for a Gathering of the Blogbreaths by stocking up on two essential ingredients:
Gin
and
Vermouth.
Rose City Reader is out of the running, celebrating her dad’s 70th birthday and entertaining The Bavarians. Mead Hunter of Blogorrhea fame is busy being all important at the Willamette Writers Conference.
We boldly (BOLDLY!) admit we’ve been caught with our pants down in full frontal nudity.
What to do but pour a strong one with some of our favorite compatriots: Barry “Remember Him?” Johnson (Portland Arts Watch), Martha Ullman “Superb As Always” West (frequent Art Scatter correspondent and probably the most highly paid) and Mighty Toy “Can’t Say Enough” Cannon (nee Mamet, of Culture Shock).
In the spirit of No, We Don’t Have Jobs But Can They Be Saved Anyway? we’re planning a little cocktail party, a blog summit, a throw-an-extra-olive-in-the Dirty-Little-Secret-Martini scheme of things. We know we get but a few comments per post. We assume No One will read What the Heck We Write. And yet we labor on with blind ambition and happy thoughts. The upside? Because we know no one cares, we free ourselves of self-conscious restraints and party merrily.
Today we drink. Tomorrow we drive.
So we offer these car games that have a HIGH LSB* rating.
While we’re busy being irresponsible, we’ve given over the blog reigns to one of the Large Smelly Boys (not to be confused with the Soggy Bottom Boys).
CAR GAME, ACT 1:
When we’re not playing What’s That Smell?** in the car, we take letters (often ripped right from license plates) and make up words to go with ‘em. Most recently, we’ve come up with words for … MTC:
Mighty Terrible Contractions
Mo’ Tasty Cornbits
Marmalade Tooth Candies
Meat Thermometer Canal
Merry Ticklish Cows
My Teeny Chickadee
My Tiny Cockatoo
Moon Truck Chocolates
Mistaken Twin Cousin
Masculine Teen Car
Massage Therapist Candles
Monster Toasty Crayons
Mr. Two Cheeks
Morbid Toe Cheese
Mighty Tasty Chipmunks
Which conveniently brings us to …
CAR GAME, ACT 2: Stay tuned for tomorrow.
What crazy words do you think MTC stands for?
– Laura Grimes and Large Large Smelly Boy
****************
**Another game the LSBs like to play in the car is to take off their shoes and see how long it takes us to notice. The longest has been 5 seconds.
August 9th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Morsel of Tuna Cake?
I plan to adopt “Mr. Two Cheeks” as my mafia name because one can never have too many aliases. The other variants of “MTC” make for great band names. “Playing tonight at the Doug Fir: Meat Thermometer Canal.” Speaking of which, a favorite car game of mine is to turn roadside signs into band names and then describe the musical genre. One of my all-time favorites from an Oregon backroad trip is “Stump Grinder” — a heavy metal band, of course.
I think I’m ready for a dirty martini.
August 9th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Monumentally Terrifying Concepts comes to mind, after reading the list. I too am ready for a martini, preferably “clean.” a Majorly Tasty Clean martini, howabout that?
August 9th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
“What’s That Smell?” [splutter, choke, snort] Small wonder one of the definitions would be Morbid Toe Cheese!
(Squirming a bit at the very concept of a Meat Thermometer Canal…)
August 9th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
And my clean martini was indeed majorly tasty as were all the little nibbles, not to mention the repartee. It was a swell party, lovely party, and by all means let’s do it again, perhaps at my house, yes?
August 9th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Yes, again, again, Mighty Underwear Woman!
Thanks all for providing such swell company.
MTC, I’ve played the road sign game. Sometimes we pretend road names are book characters and then come up with what they would be like. Vader Ryderwood would be a villain who probably wears muu muus to work with NO boxer shorts underneath, and has such a bad case of morbid toe cheese that he wears socks (preferably argyle) with Birkenstocks.
David, the What’s That Smell? game is not recommended for anyone with a high school diploma. We could drive a semi and fling the LSBs in the cargo hold and it still wouldn’t be big enough.
August 9th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
Of course, the cargo hold would have an escape hatch. Yes, I typed that to avoid the scrutiny of Child Protective Services.
August 10th, 2009 at 8:56 am
Mighty Underwear Woman?? Welll, I was warned… Can you expand on that Miss Laura? If you do of course it’s it’s into the cargo hold with you along with the LSB’s and I could point out that Miss Laura is the perfect name for a corset-fitter, talk about Mighty Underwear.
August 10th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
My dirty martini certainly hit the spot and the company was delightful. (Okay, martinis). If we’re now playing the game using Martha’s initials, I will suggest something appropriate for particularly bad dance performances: May Utilize Weapons.
August 10th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
What I have not heretofore divulged is that we have a brace of large smelly boys ourselves, and that–perhaps not coincidentally–if they were asked to name three annoying questions often heard from me, one certainly would be “What’s that smell?”
I wonder whether the oregon.gov web site might have a list of CPS-approved cargo-hold escape hatches…
August 10th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
After overcoming my insane jealousy at not being invited to your soiree (yes, I know you couldn’t have fit all of your readers into your house and the budget might not have allowed for the Rose Garden this month), I have decided on my contribution, My Two Concatenations. My work here is done.
August 12th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Nothing beats “Mighty Tasty Chipmunks” so I won’t even try.
Sooooooooooo sad to miss the martinis, banter, good company, etc., etc. The Bavarians did wear lederhosen and bring an enormous bottle of Bayernwald hootch, so it’s not like Dad’s birthday was boring. But still . . .
August 13th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
I can vouch for Bayernwald hootch! I turned 21 drinking that in a Bayernwald. I didn’t wear lederhosen, though (that I remember). My corset-fitting skills hadn’t kicked in yet.
David, a divulgence! We share LSBs. Parent to parent, my recipe for cleanliness: Drive semi to beach, open cargo hold, dunk LSBs in ocean, rinse in bleach, repeat.
Ms. Realty, we would have had more seating had you wheeled your smelly couch over as promised. Suffice to say, we had a wee bit of business mixed in (stirred not shaken). I’m sure gin and vermouth are tax write-offs, yes?